Change.

The funny thing about life is: no matter what you plan, things always change. Dan and I have been talking about this year-long trek and climb through Asia for over a year now - and the only 'plan' we've made is the one-way ticket to Bengaluru we purchased about 7 weeks ago. We don't even have a reserved place to stay the first night we arrive! One small element of a 'plan.' And now, two weeks before we go, Dan is on crutches. Really, we couldn't have planned much less. But now that we're uncertain how he'll be walking and if he'll be able to carry a pack on March 3rd, even the one thing might change.

People think we're crazy for traveling like this. For living like this. But now that this one fluke, out-of-our-control thing happened - I have to say, there is a lot less to think and/or worry about if the 'plan' needs to change. Frankly, it's a relief!

The plunge.

I'm 30 and I just jumped in a lake. In upstate New York. In February. Air temperature was about 33 - water temperature was about 40. It was refreshing. I liked it so much the first time, I back-flipped in for a second dip. When I hit the water, I felt for a split second that I wanted to stay under. There was no sensation of cold - just the pure silence of stillness and the faint thump of my heart. Then, I felt ice crystals forming on my legs. My legs, quite literally, became slushy.

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this. I could take it to the 'rebirth' arena, but it wasn't quite that profound. It was fun! It made me feel jubilant and new. This time of year - when it's easy to feel sedentary and stale - it's important to jar your senses. It was an exercise in staying present. In the moment.

I feel like part of a swift-moving current. I'm about to take the second plunge of my 30th year. Two weeks from tonight, Dan and I will be on a plane headed for Bengaluru, India. I'm not sure how I feel about it at the moment. With so many other things that need to be done before we leave, it's hard to even consider being excited! I'm not sure if excited is the word. Maybe there isn't a word to describe how I feel. Ill-prepared? Completely prepared. Nervous? Calm. Uncertain? Surer of myself than ever before. We have no plans. We bought one-way tickets. We have some money in savings. What could go wrong? What is 'wrong'? Whatever happens happens. It is what is.

Now that's profound.

30.

It's almost here...the day I'm no longer in my 20s. I haven't thought much about it until today - the first day of the month I turn 30. But it's a little weird to think I'll be 'in my 30s' in only 6 days. These last few years of my 20s have been challenging, to say the least. But I guess life is always challenging. Growth only happens in the handling of challenges.

Like the bug that just crawled down my shirt. You know when you feel like something is tickling you a little - say, right above your shirt on your neck...so you scratch it - only to find that there is something in your hand. And suddenly, there is a 1 1/2 inch long bug on your lap - with big, beady eyes and sprawling legs. It's way too big to kill. I mean, it's not really nice to kill bugs anyway because they're harmless living things, too. But there is a threshold of size at which it's no longer comfortable to crush a bug. And this one was too big. So I scooped it up and started to carry it outside, when it jumped and I lost it again! The only thing worse than a big, ugly bug on you is a big, ugly bug that you know is in the room, but can't find. There's no telling what will happen with the elusive bug!! Worst case scenario: It makes its way to your bed and crawls in your mouth while your sleeping. Why is that the first thing that pops into your head every time you lose a bug in the house? It's totally disgusting!

Of course...in my new, 30s outlook on things - I better stop freaking out about the bug and realize that in about 5 weeks, there's a good chance I'll be eating an insect that big! It's all about perspective...

The best job in the world.

And it's not the one I'm doing right now...though it's not so bad living in the quiet north country under a peaceful blanket of snow for a few months. Especially before a trip to the cacophonous land of India. But, I heard about this job in Australia - caretaking an island! - that I need to get my butt in gear to apply for. I've been thinking about trying to find a caretaking job in the mountains for years - why not in the tropics? And I freakin' loved Australia! Saw a lot of it - but didn't spend enough time in many places...plus, Queensland has everything an adventure traveler could want! So, I'm embarking on the process it will be to make an application video. Since I don't know much about multi-media computer stuff, it'll take some effort - but Dan will help and I figure, I'm definitely not going to get the job if I don't apply. But if I do...well, then at least there's a chance!

Blurry vision.

I did the weirdest thing this morning. It happened like this:

Going through the motions...putting my contacts in. First the right eye, as usual; then the left. As I gently placed the lens on my left eye, I noticed my vision get really blurry. Almost worse than it is when I don't have any contacts in! Confused, I put my hand over one eye at a time to check out how my individual eyes were seeing things. The right eye was not great...the left eye was horrible! What is going on?! I thought. Did I just spontaneously lose my ability to see - even with contacts!? Everything was fine yesterday! Saramago's book Blindness popped into my brain - at least I'm not driving...at least I'm in the comfort of my own home. I ran downstairs and asked my mom if this had every happened to her - she's the experienced one with 35 years of lens-wearing - I have a measly 15 years of practice. The only thing she could think of was one morning when she put both contacts in one eye...but I couldn't have done that! I always put the right eye in first.

Turns out, I did do that. At some point in my childhood, I was told that it creates new pathways in your brain to do menial tasks in different ways periodically. At the time, that meant walking a different way to school. Or washing my hair before my face in the shower. Or putting my left sock on before my right. It's funny how many things we do in the same way every time we do them! Today, I must have subconsciously remembered this little ditty of information - and in an effort to keep the synapses firing sharply, I decided to put the left contact in first. Then, I promptly forgot and put the second contact in my left eye, too. After a dramatic few minutes of praying for my vision back, I got it.

So...either there is someone up there granting wishes...or I need to get my short-term memory checked!

Wow, I suck at this.

This is my official resolution to get better. I haven't really been making any time for myself over the past few months - negotiating life with my mom again (after 7 years of living on the other side of the country!) has been quite a challenge. And although it's temporary, life here in quiet, snow-laden Hague is pretty darn hectic. Granted, I have discovered Sudoku and now spend what some might consider too much time playing with the newspaper in the morning. Also, we've had tons of really light, fluffy snow to adventure in - so I've spent a decent amount of time snowshoeing and learning to ice climb. And - I've finally committed and disciplined myself to practicing yoga on a regular basis again. I mean, I can't really show up in India (aka the mother ship) and not be able to get into downward dog with some semblance of body awareness. So, I'm back in the saddle - though only time will tell if I stay true to my word. I mean, I'm not getting paid to do this...yet. But I do need to make time for myself and to put my thoughts into some kind of form.

40 days. Forty days from right this minute, our plane destined for Bengaluru, India is scheduled to depart from EWR. We have a ton to do before that happens - including my turn into the big 3-0 - but all in all, I feel more prepared for this trip than any other I've ever taken. Maybe it's because we have a one-way ticket and there is no time pressure...no fitting everything in...no "how much time can we spend here?"...no "we don't have time to go there"...we are limitless. And for the first time in my life, that doesn't scare the crap out of me. Ask me again in 41 days and I might have a different answer, but for now, I feel really grounded. Like there is all good stuff ahead. Maybe it's because I've started to learn how to take things as they come...and how to let them go. My filter for the 'important stuff' is engaged and I become more keenly aware of my most essential stuff each day - and I have to say, it really lightens the load to just let all the gunk that comes flying at me pass right through and leave as quickly as it comes. I am more present than I've been in many years. And light-hearted. As I charge toward my 30s...I feel ready to embrace intention. My intention has slowly been evolving - pieces falling into place and becoming clearer with conversations and encounters and in the quietest of moments. It's funny that I've had to make a practice of slowing down and being still. Seems like we spend so much time trying to fill up our time. What if we don't fill it up? What if we rest a moment? What if we discover that fullness comes from inside and spreads out - that it doesn't just happen around us? Find some ground. Make some space. Allow it to unfold.

it's been a while

My big plans for an online journal have dissipated - if not completely dissolved - over the past 9 months. Lots of changes in my life...many adventures with my best friend...maybe a little retreat away from this discreet form of exhibitionism we call blogging. I think I'm gearing up for it again, though. I'm starting to feel the writing itch - and you, my friends, can exercise your discreet yearnings for voyeurism all you want.

We're planning a trip to Asia next year. It's been a struggle getting the finances in order (god bless the American economic system of late) - but things are 'coming to a head' if you will. In the next five months we need to sort out visas, buy plane tickets, research tourist restrictions in some of the countries, learn a little bit of language...and while we're certainly planning on maintaining a blog with news and photos while we travel, I thought it might be fun (and funny) to record the few months leading up to our departure, too. All the little conversations we have and how they change - and yes, what our expectations are - though we aim to have as few as possible going into this experience.

So far, the advice we've received from our friend Devlin regarding India seems the most blog worthy...
Two things, he says:
1. Get a decent hotel room for the first few nights. Head out and eat from a street vendor, then lock yourself in your room for a couple days. Get it all out of your system. Oh, and Pepto-Bismol isn't a bad idea.
2. Email me pictures of your breakdown.

Ahh...India.